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Warning  before reading  the following  blog, this  may be a  trigger  for people who have experienced similar situations..

The show is based on a true story. Some of the content in this blog may be  spoilers if you have not already viewed this programme. 

With relatively little  advertising  in April this 8 episode drama  “Baby Reindeer”  hit the screen, becoming the top show on Netflix  and  one of the  most talked-about  Television shows so far this year.

This is a true story with the names  and details of the characters changed.

The following is a brief description of the  Stalking behaviours which the writer and actor in the show, Richard Gadd, experienced for around four years. 

Richard Gadd, a barman, striving to develop a career as a comedian, befriends  a customer named  Martha, after she comes into the bar where he works. He buys her a drink as she can’t afford to buy one. Unfortunately this kind gesture  results in Martha developing an obsession with him. 

The story interweaves other upsetting events, however for this blog I will stop here and focus on Stalking behaviours. 

Martha found him on social media, Face Book, YouTube, his website  and his email address. All these social media sites contained personal information.

Martha’s obsession turned into Stalking with reports of this lasting for around four years. During this time Martha sent  over 40,000 email messages,  350 voice messages, 740 tweets, 46 Facebook messages,106 pages of love letters, Gifts, which included a baby reindeer toy, boxer shorts and sleeping pills.

Cyber Stalking

“Social Media and the internet  are often used for Cyber Stalking which can be as intimidating as  in person Stalking” (Victim Support legal definition  09/02/24) 

Stalking and harassment have always existed, but since the growth of the internet it has been easier for Stalkers to carry this out as an extension of their existing behaviour or purely online. This persistent frequent unwanted, undesirable  contact from another individual  can provoke a range of negative feelings from discomfort to severe distress.

Cyber stalkers may be known to you or be strangers and there can be many different  motives for this behaviour including revenge, control, to cause fear, gain access to personal info or to manipulate the victim into doing something they don’t want to do.

Protecting yourself online includes;

• Check your privacy settings on your social media platforms
• Backup your data
• Don’t connect to people you don’t know in the real world, or with people you don’t feel comfortable around
• Think about the information you share, including  your own photos and the people you are sharing photos of.
• Do you need to disclose your whereabouts or plans

 Martha also turned up in person at his comedian gigs,  went to his place of work regularly, sat outside his home often, harassed his parents and sexually assaulted him.

“Stalking is a fixated, obsessive, unwanted and repeated behaviour” that makes the victim feel harassed. The definition states “It includes behaviour that happens two or more times, directed at or towards you by another person which causes feelings of alarm or distress or fear that violence might be used against you” (Victim Support legal definition 09/02/24) Stalking behaviours are interrelated to harassment or intimidation and may include following the victim or monitoring them.

About Stalking

Stalking can gradually build up, taking a while for the person to realise this is happening. It can go on for a long time. People  often describe feeling  constantly scared and anxious.

Stalking can happen to anyone. A stalker is not limited to an ex-boyfriend / girlfriend or former spouse . A stalker can be a colleague, acquaintance or a stranger.

If you’re experiencing constant and persistent attention and this behaviour is making you feel scared, anxious or  harassed then you are a victim of stalking. This is not something you should live with.

Signs of being Stalked

Repeatedly noticing a person is hanging around outside your home or workplace.

Seeing them take uncalled for interest such as looking in the window at you or taking photos.

Being followed or watched by someone, perhaps on foot or in a car.

Asking lots of questions about a person, their whereabouts, who they spend time with in their relationships.

Bullying /intimidation

Texts /Phone calls

Letters/emails

Unwanted gifts

Unplanned visits

Categorising of Stalking

Simple obsessional Stalking :  The  most common: a person stalks an ex partner or ex employer, often because they feel they have been unfairly treated or rejected ( National  centre for victims of crime).

Love Obsessional : The perpetrator is a stranger or acquaintance and uses stalking behaviours to be noticed by the victim.

Erotomania :  A Mental Health condition where the person incorrectly believes someone is in love with them.

False Victimisation :  This a rare form of stalking where the person believes someone has been targeting them but they are actually the  perpetrator doing the stalking  

Need Help, Professional Organizations .

If  you feel that you are receiving unwelcomed attention  seek help from a trusted person or contact  Victim Support for Free and confidential support and information or speak to the Police.

National Stalking :

Helpline on weekdays, 0808 802 0300, or email advice@stalkinghelpline.org.

Victim Support  :    https://www.victimsupport.org.uk

Cyber Stalking :  https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/cyber-crime/

Talk to someone :   Samaritans

If  you  think  or are experiencing  anything  described in this blog, and unsure  about where to turn  for  advice or support  please get in touch with me   and I can support you in finding the right support (free of charge)

If you are in danger  now call 999 immediately.